Colonisation

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I am seriously PISSED off at the world. I hate this situation.

Hate being taken for granted; hate feeling like hired help or an intruder in my ‘adopted’home. This is not the path that I would have chosen for myself or even envisioned.  But I have only myself to blame for this current ‘arrangement’.

This situation is slowly eating away at me. Driving me into despair. It’s INSANE. Sometimes i just want to cry, shut myself away and contemplate for a while. However, even that is near impossible seeing as I have limited space to breathe. When I do decide to be a hermit and hibernate for a day I am questioned as to why I am not out in the fields “ with the rest? ”. These moments make me want to scream so loud and curse until am blue in the face. I want to slam things and throw stuff against the wall to let off some steam. Instead I sit subdued, quietly fuming – burning on the inside whilst managing to plast a SMILE across my face and going to work for my master.

I am a FUCKING adult. 

Although, everyday I feel less than that.

I feel like an atm machine available at everyone’s disposal making withdrawls everyday and going into the red without a backwards glance. Always feeling like I have to go the extra mile in order to recompensate the fact that I have been given asylum.

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People say that you are a product of your surroudings, well I can safely attest to that. Somehow I thought I would be the exception, the one who changed the course of destiny. Instead I am stuck. Stuck with all the rest: in the scrapheap looking to be made new again.

I slowly feel myself entering that dark place that no-one likes to speak of. The one we reserve for the weak, the cowards. The ones who refused to wade in the waters, who we say have opted to take the easy way out. The ones that don’t fight to stay alive. Now I can understand why they take the actions that they do.

Life is a BITCH!  And I have no idea what I did to turn her wrath onto me.'s

God guna trouble the waters but I guess his not guna bother with a co-conspirator like me.